Things Fall Apart

It's time to admit that Liam is regressing again. Last week, his behaviors in school were so bad that we were called to come get him and take him home. He had done something so heinous I can't even detail it in this public of a forum. Suffice it to say that he is no longer allowed to use pencils. Every day Liam comes home with a color-coded behavior chart. It had been quite effective for the last year. The morning after he had been sent home, Liam said to me, "Wednesday wasn't even colored in." I said, "That's because what you did is so bad they don't even have a color for it!" He told me he would behave in January "when Mrs. C comes back."

Now, there is of course the hurt and disappointment of him becoming aggressive again. More importantly though, he is in a fight or flight mode. Something at school has him so backed into a corner that he can only fight his way out. I know this because I have seen it before. The only explanation he is capable of giving me is that he misses his teacher. The truth is that his behavior started backsliding before she left--specifically when he started his new school year to find his class size increased by 50%.

Another complication is the school sending him home. I told the principal to "expect the same behavior tomorrow when he feels like going home." People with autism are even more creatures of habit than us neurotypicals. What happens once will happen again. Patterns, once established, will be followed. Sending him home was such a bad choice on their part that the damage will take months to undo.

Like last time, the behaviors that start at school eventually spill over into the community, then home. After a lot of thought and prayer (and power struggles with Liam) I've decided to leave him home with Rob while Zoe and I go to church. It is so important to me to provide him with a faith foundation that I have subjected the other parishoners to his disruptions for far too long. I kept trying because he has a history of being successful in church; I knew he could do it. He is so loved and embraced there that it just kills me to lose this battle.

The only good news in this otherwise dark period (because I have to look for it in order to maintain my tenuous grasp on sanity) is that I found another tool for our Liam toolbox: The Incredible Five Point Rating Scale. This book jumped out of my bookshelf that night when I was putting something away. I had ordered it and never read it. Rob and I both read it that night and developed an anxiety scale for Liam the next morning. He understood it right away and was able to put it to use! What I really like is that it encourages self-advocacy. He can label his own levels of anxiety and attempt to control them with suggested methods.

For whatever reason, Liam's next two days at school were super and the weekend has been good, too. I have called an emergency IEP, though, to address behavioral regression and concerns about speech services. I will say more after that is resolved. I have some research to do before the meeting.