When You Know Better, You Do Better

That's what Oprah says and she is right. Yesterday Liam came home from camp very agitated and anxious. The aide had said he threw a tantrum when she tried to get him on the surfboard. All afternoon, he obsessed about camp for next year: could he take music camp? was he the right age for cooking camp? soccer camp? I kept telling him not to worry about it, it's a year away, let's focus on the present. He followed me into the office and asked me to make a list of camps for him, still very distressed. Finally, in my brain a bell went off.

"Liam," I asked, "Do you like surf camp?" "I like camp," he said clearly and immediately, "but I don't like surfing." "OK," I said, "Tomorrow you don't have to surf. No surfing unless you want to. You can play in the waves or do something else. Is that ok?" "Yes," he said, "But I won't earn Max and Ruby." "You will," I told him, "I will write a note saying you don't have to surf. Only if you want to." From that moment on he was fine for the rest of the evening. This afternoon his aide said he had a much better day, was calm and happpy.

Lesson: listen to what he says, even if it sounds like nonsense. When I ask the right questions, he gives me the answers.